I didn’t write this list. I’m neither this smart nor this funny. It was written by Deborah Zaccarro Hoffman, a Lyndhurst, OH Family Law Attorney.

However, I agree 100% with each and every one of these:

1. No you can’t move across the country without telling your ex. Or rather, you can, but you really don’t need the consequences that will follow.
2. No you can’t put a child up for adoption without telling the father.
3. No you can’t “sign your rights away” to get out of paying child support – even and especially if -the mother agrees.
4. It doesn’t matter you had everything put into your name, you still don’t get the house, the car, and the retirement fund all to yourself.
5. Just because your spouse or baby mama lawyer put it in a court pleading doesn’t mean anyone takes it as the Truth.
6. No, you can’t obtain supervised visitation because you don’t really know the dad or his family or what they’re capable of. If you knew for sure there were drugs or violence involved that would be a different story. The Court will also wonder why this wasn’t an issue when you decided to have a child with him.
7. No I can’t take your case on contingency, and wouldn’t if I could. I suspect few people go to work on the off chance they decide you did a good job and will pay you.
8. If someone is bound and determined to live on the lam to avoid paying child support, there is really nothing anyone can do about it.
9. Women are not automatically favored in custody cases, but the person who is the most involved with the children usually is. You do the math.
10. (Probably the number one thing I tell people all the time) You can’t fix crazy.